Calling Upon a Wishing Well
by AStitchedUpHeart
Summary: Then the realisation hits: you're still alive and you're in a hospital. Why does no one ever listen to your wishes? Why can't they see that you no longer want to be alive?


_**Written for the Diagon Alley Fic Crawl Challenge: Madam Primpernelle's Beautifying Potions, the Potions Competition: Polyjuice Potion, Fanfiction: School of Imagination and Creativity, PDHPE Assessment 2, the All Sorts of Love Competition: Cesty Love, Camp Potter: First Aid, Week 8 and the Pairing Diversity Boot Camp: if you be the one to cut me, I will bleed forever**_

**A.N - Also written for the wonderful Kaylee, I hope you likey-like!**

**Warnings: Contains self-harm and a bit of language.**

**Calling Upon A Wishing Well**

You remember when you first saw your cousin. You were 5 and she was only a few days old. Molly, they told you her name was. You couldn't help but feel jealous; why couldn't you be named after your Grandmother, too? Instead you got stuck with a name that means nothing within the family.

* * *

For some strange reason Molly seemed to be attached to you. Whenever your families meet up she toddles around after you, calling your name. 'Woxy, woxy!' You try to ignore her, but you can't bring yourself to; she calls to you specifically. No-one else ever does that.

That night you visit the wishing well in a nearby field for the first time. Nobody notices as you leave, nobody ever does.

'I wish that people would see me,' you say to the well. 'I also wish that me and Molly can be best friends forever and ever.'

It's the first time you acknowledge that you want to be friends with her. All the jealousy has dissipated and all you want is a friend. Someone who will look out for you and care for you, it's all you want for your 8 year-old self.

* * *

You watch Molly get more and more beautiful, see her morph into the perfect Weasley princess: red hair, blue eyes, a perfect pattern of freckles across her cheeks that make all the boys stare.

You on the other hand seem to sink into an abyss of mediocrity. You should be striking, with your darker skin and auburn hair but nobody notices you. Once again you should stand out, you're different from the rest of the family but that doesn't make you unique. It just makes you more alone than ever.

You visit the wishing well again.

'Please, I just want to be noticed. By anyone, I really don't care who.'

* * *

When you're seventeen, you start your first relationship. He was charming and oh, so handsome but more importantly he sees you. His eyes don't skim over you as you walk past, they bore deep down into your soul, and for the first time you feel beautiful. With every kiss he bestows upon you, and every time he pleasures you, you can feel his love. He makes sure that you're happy, makes sure that you smile at everything.

He changes everything about you, you no longer wallow in self-despair and walk around with your eyes downwards. You stand straight with his hand clasped firmly in your own.

You visit the wishing well with Joshua. You smile at him as you speak to it. 'Dear wishing well, please make it so that Joshua and I last. I think I love him.'

* * *

You're eighteen and you get your first taste of his violence. You talk back to him and he slaps you around the face. You're numb, you don't feel the pain. That comes later, both physically and mentally. He apologises straight away and you can't help but forgive him. After all, he's the only person to have ever seen you. You can't lose him, you know you can't.

His violence increases, he's soon kicking out at you for simply talking to another male. You cry and beg for forgiveness at his knees, he tells you to stop being pathetic but this makes you cry more. He's supposed to love you, how could he do this? Yet, you can't leave, you know you can't...

You apparate to the field and collapse by the well with fresh tears streaming from your brown eyes. 'Dear wishing well, please make it stop.'

* * *

Your world comes crashing around you when you find Joshua in bed with Molly. You just stare as she scrambles to find her clothes. Joshua, however, stares directly back at you seemingly inviting you to say something to him. But you won't, you won't bait him into another beating. You walk away and don't look back. Both Joshua and Molly are nothing to you in that moment.

Yet you can't help but feel broken; Joshua was the first person who made you feel like a person, he was meant to love you. Molly, on the other hand, was the first person to see you. You feel as though your whole life has just come crashing down, the people who mattered most... just gone in a flash of lust and pleasure.

You spend all night at the well that night.

'Why?' you ask it over and over again.

That night is the first time you take a blade to yourself. With every drop of blood that escapes your wrist, you can feel a memory slipping away. You don't want to let them go, but each time one flashes through your mind you feel yourself slip a little deeper.

* * *

You carry on, but you're sinking deeper and deeper. You live a life of lies and deceit. You act free and careless, you get promotion after promotion at work but still, nobody sees you for who you really are. Throughout the day your smile is genuine (well, as genuine as it can be), at night your smile is ironic as you slice the blade over your wrist.

If anybody cared enough about you they would see the damage you're causing to yourself. They would notice that you wear long sleeves and that your hand shakes when you try to complete the most simple of tasks.

But no one does, no one sees, no one cares. You're alone, and you can't help but think that maybe you will be forever.

You don't bother visiting the wishing well anymore. Clearly it doesn't listen to you, all of your requests have been ignored thus far. Why should more be any different?

* * *

You're just about to bring the knife down over your wrist when your front door bangs open. Molly storms in just as you jump and bring down your hand a lot further than you meant. A lot further.

Your hand jerks and your body falls to the ground. Like a taut string being snapped, you just fall. The blood doesn't just flow out of the cut, it's being pumped out. You know you've sliced open an artery and the first thought is that maybe it was meant to be your time to leave. The next thought revolves around Molly, her scream pierces though you like the knife had so previously done. You hit the ground before she can catch you.

'It's over, isn't it?' you ask her.

'It's never over, Roxy,' she replies as she binds your wrist.

'Yes it is,' you say faintly. 'I'm glad it is... no one cares...'

* * *

You wake and are immediately scared at the fact you can't move your arms. You look down expecting for there to be nothing, but relief washes over you as you see they're bound by straps.

Then the realisation hits: you're still alive and you're in a hospital. Why does no one ever listen to your wishes? Why can't they see that you no longer want to be alive?

'Roxy.' A voice cuts through your thoughts and you turn your head to see Molly. She's staring at you intently, she's looking at you more than anyone ever has before. 'What the fuck were you doing? You could have killed yourself!'

'What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be shagging Joshua or something?' you reply with a cutting edge to your voice.

'We're not together, we never were, Roxy.'

'Could have fooled me. So what were you doing when I caught you two fucking like the little whores you both are?'

'Roxy! Please?' Molly pleads. 'Hear me out... We've never been together. He wanted to show you that he could have whoever he wanted. And I... I was doing it because I wanted your attention.'

'So, it was planned!' you shout. 'Hang on, what do you mean you wanted my attention. No one even knows I'm here most of the time, so why should you care of all people?'

'I care, Roxy. I always have, always will,' she says as she grabs your hand. 'Please believe me. I care more than anyone, more than what is natural for cousins to feel. All these years I've watched you slip slowly into a dark hole and I did nothing. I thought that you wouldn't want me to help, so I didn't. I watched and look where it got you: in hospital with your arms bound so you don't harm yourself again. I feel so guilty... Close your eyes.'

'What?' you reply, but close your eyes anyway. The next thing you feel is a pair of soft lips on your own. You're shocked, but you kiss back anyway. It's awkward with your arms unable to move but you can't help but think that this is what you wanted all along. The reason you were so upset wasn't because Joshua had cheated, it was because it had been with Molly, your dearest cousin.

'Let me help you, let me help you get better,' she breathes against your lips and you find yourself nodding.

* * *

You visit the wishing well when you're released from hospital. Molly notices you sneak out and follows you.

'You listened to me, thank you. There's nothing more that I want right now, only for life to be as it is right now.'

'It will be,' Molly's voice cuts through the silence. 'You and me forever, Roxy,' she says as she wraps an arm around your waist and kisses you sweetly.


End file.
